Dating Christian Women - What to do During the Dating Process

Okay, you might be wondering about my last post. I stated that you should not romance a women when you are in the dating process. This is true because you are not in a relationship.

So, what do you do during this time?

Most importantly, be friends with the women first. It should be your main goal. Not how to get in a relationship with them. In fact, you should be forming friendships with every girl you meet, and not looking to get into a romantic relationship. Once you are in a friendship, maybe God will turn the "lights on", and you can move forward towards a relationship.

Being friends first makes the relationship stable, healthy, and more likely to last because you are first friends.

Also, you are able to see the kind of person the women truly is if you are just friends. You can see how they act with their friends, family, and most importantly God.

Are they reading the Bible? If not, why? Is this important to you? If you want a Godly women, it should be.

Are they living out their faith in everyday life? Are they loving to others? Caring? Selfless? Slow to anger? Abounding in love? If not, why?

**Note
What if the women you are attracting is not the kind of person you want. Why is that?

Many times, without even knowing it, we attract people that are like us, whether good or bad.

If the women you attract are not Godly, maybe you need to take a look at yourself.
**

Being friends it great because you can see how they act under stress, under joy, under pain, and see the kind of person they truly are.

After a time, and with God's leading, you may show, more than friends, signs of interest. Remember, this is not romancing, at least in the Hollywood sense, but more on this later.

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Dating Christian Women - To Be Romantic Or Not

Okay, after writing about topics, which focus on a lot of the Bible and God, I am writing this section on practicality. So, you might find a Christian women you like, start handling around, getting to know her.

You might be wondering if you should start being romantic around her? I will give you a small hint of what you should do, especially if you have never tried romance a women before.

Do not even think about trying to romance a girl!

Alright, did that come across to you okay? If not...

Do not try to romance a girl!

Stop...no seriously...stop!

Do not consider it. Get it off your mind. Do not worry about it.

Now that I got that out of me, I will tell you why.

You are not in a relationship with her. Simple, isn't it? If you really want to date a christian women you are going to have to resist the urge to be romantic.

Romance is not for winning a girl.

Either Hollywood doesn't get it or they play off the idea, simply because girls buy into the prince charming thing.

Romance is for what people do to show affection for another person they love. Girl like the idea of a prince charming, but they want it to be with someone they like. If you try to be romantic before you are in a relationship, it will only destroy whatever friendship you two had.

So you might ask, what you can do when you are in the dating process of a christian women? (If you look at How To Date Christian Women - Introduction - Why is it So Hard? you will understand that I am writing that dating is the process up to being in a relationship.

The answer is not so simple, and I will write about it a little later.

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How To Date Christian Women - Part Three - What Does Marriage Have To Do With It?

In the last post, I gave a verse in the Bible written by Paul in Ephesians 5:22, 28-31. "Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, even as Christ is head of the church; and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wife as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it . . . So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church . . . For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shal1 be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh".

Paul writes here that "the husband is head of the wife". Okay, many people are going to have issues with this statement, but, for one, being the head of someone, is not the only important part of a marriage. And secondly, it is an important responsibility, which actually in tales a lot for the man to do. Thirdly, and simply, this is what women naturally look for.

Yes, men are suppose to be the head of the wife, but the head cannot do it on its own. It needs arms, legs, and torso to be complete. This is what Paul writes about later when he says, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shal1 be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh". This is becoming one flesh not just in the physical sense, although that is true, but more importantly, in emotional and spiritual sense.

But what are women's roles in the relationship?

Genesis 2:16 says, "And the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him'". When the word helper is used, God is meaning women. Even as man had everything he needed, and even walked with God, God thought he needed something more. Now, the word "helper" looks like a less important role, insignificant, and even lower than a man's role, but where in the Bible does it write that this is a less important job? No where, the Bible is clear that both men and women are created in the image of God, and both are important, but have separate and different roles.

Secondly, this statement, while seeming to give men a lot of power, is actually an important responsibility. Yes, Paul writes that men are the head, but what does this mean? Does it mean, we boss around, have our own way, and get what we can? No, Paul writes, "Husbands, love your wife as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it".

Wow! I do not know about you, but this part always strikes me hard!

"Husbands, love your wife as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it".

These are huge footsteps to follow, Christ. Christ bared our sin on the cross and died for us, so in one sense, we should be willing to die for our wives. Also, Christ was the greatest servant ever. This means that men should also serve their wives and look to their needs. Also Christ was the ultimate Godly example because he was God! For men this means we should also be a Godly example. Get in the word of God and pray.

Lastly, this behavior is what women are looking for in a man. Women are looking for a man to take charge, be in control, and simply be a man! How do I know this? Well, ask women what they are looking for. Personally, I have asked women for what qualities they are looking in a man, even if the women is feminist, they will give say a strong (not necessarily physically) man who will take charge and not be a wimp.

Men, if you are looking to date a Christian women, grow up, it on your game, because that is what a women of God truly deserves, and what God wants.

Remember, God does not want you to follow him some of the times, but he wants your heart, and God wants you to trust him with your life.

How To Date Christian Women - Part Two - You Need To Learn To Lead

**Note
What I write in this part might be controversial to many people these days, even to people in the Church, but please bear with me.
**

**Side note:
I believe the Bible is 100% correct and inspired by God. The Bible is very reliable. For example, the earliest New Testament copy we have was written around 130 AD, although it was originally written around 60 AD, giving it a time span of 100 years. There are about 14,000 copies of it. (The original 'first written new testaments' did not survive) Looking at all of those 14,000 copies, they are 99.5% accurate to themselves. Usually, there are only some words, which are or aren't there, although sometimes sentences are added.
**

Seems very accurate, don't you think? The next reliable old books are the ones by Homer, writer of "the Iliad" and "The Odyssey". They were written around 850 BC, we don't know when the earliest copies were written, and therefore don't know the time span it was written. But, there are 653 copies, and those copies are 95% accurate to each other. Scholars write that Homer's books are extremely reliable. How much more reliable is the Bible?

Okay, you might believe me now when I say the Bible is reliable, but you might not believe me when I say it was inspired by God. You might even say the Bible is nonsense.

Unfortunately, I cannot stop you form believing that, and hopefully God can change your heart, but...

...If we are on the same page there, then in the Bible Paul writes in Ephesians 5:22, 28-31. "Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, even as Christ is head of the church; and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wife as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it . . . So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church . . . For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shal1 be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh".

But wait, you might ask: What does this have to do with dating Christian women? Paul is writing here about marriage.

True, Paul is writing about marriage here, BUT when the dating period is going on, women naturally want someone to lead them. Women hate being the ones making the decisions and making the calls on things.

Don't believe me? Setup a night with a women, and make her make all the decisions, because it will make here happy that she has control, right?

Wrong, she will run from you, way faster than you can stop her!

Women want you to take the lead, and this includes during the dating process.

So, how do you lead a girl, the right way?

Paul sets it up in Ephesians pretty clearly...

**note
If the passage looks very controversial, especially in today standards, it is! This was not written to follow the ways of man, but instead the ways of God! God's ways are far better than our own, even if they do not look it at the time. He has a purpose and plan to every thing he does.

Think our way is better, or not that bad?
Look around at all the relationships around you. You will probably find countless divorces, and failed relationships. This is people trying to do it their own way, without the help of God running their life!
**

Sorry, no time right now, there will be more to come later!

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How To Date Christian Women - Part One - You Need God In Your Life!

If you are really looking to date a true Christian women (side note: this women would follow Christ in their life, and make him the center of their every action), you are going to have to make God an important part of your life. But, not just an important part, but the number one most important thing in your life.

**note-
It's not that your making God an important part of your life because the girl would want you too, but because you really want God the to be center of your life.
Women are gifted at seeing if someone is lying and if their actions are sincere. That means you actually have to change or they will see right through you.
**

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What does this mean?

You want God to be the first thing you think about when you wake up, and the last thing you have on your mind when you go asleep. You want to be constantly in prayer with God, throughout the day, and reading his word every day. You also want to be connected with a great community of Christians, who will help you walk with God, but also challenge you. Eventually, the day-by-day talking to God and being in his word will change you. You will begin to see God's purpose in your life, which is not just finding a women, although God gives that to most of us.

What does this have to do with dating a Christian women, you might ask?

I'll tell you what. It's simple, if you make God the most important thing in your life, then the girl(s) you like are secondary. If they are secondary, any rejection you might get by them will not ultimately matter, because God is number one.

**note-
Since God is number one, nothing anyone says or does to you really matters all that much. You have Christ and only his opinion matters, not the people you meet in life!
**

When a Christian women sees that you are walking with God, God might just bring them along in your life. Then you can go along in the journey of pursuing God together!

Aww...doesn't that sound nice and gucci gucci goo.

Now, it is true that God will bring along potential spouses in your life, and following Christ makes you stick out like a sore thumb to a girl, but unless you know how to act or say, nothing will come of it, and they will pass on, either being a great friend or an awkward acquaintance.

I will write more soon on this topic...

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How To Date Christian Women - Introduction - Why is it So Hard?

When does the actual dating process with a women begin? While many others may differ, in my personal opinion, it is the moment of meeting the girl, to what use to be called, "going steady", when the two people mutually decide to only see each other.

The reason I write this is because there is a difference between "getting a girl" and being in an already established relationship. Until the man and woman make the decision to see only each other, there is a lot of mystery with what the man is suppose to do. Many men figure they are suppose to do the same thing as they would in an already established relationship but, in fact, God did not design it that way.

Many men forget about what is called the "dating process." If you look around at material, the "dating process" is almost completely ignored, while relationship material is plentiful.

--
Why is there a shortage of material on the dating process, especially within the Christian community?

Not completely sure, but there are some books which do cover the topic of dating Christian women. I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris is a great book, and unlike the title, it is actually not a complete call of Christians to not date, but to put the focus of the relationship on God and to put the biblical example of marriage at the center. On one of his most important points, he writes that we should move past selfish personal reasons for dating. The book does help somewhat, but it does not focus on what to do when we are getting to know a girl and slowly moving the "dating process" forward.

Lets take a look at another book: When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Approach to Guy/Girl Relationships by Eric and Leslie Ludy. This is another great book, and starts to touch on dating women, writing that a man should first focus on God, fix his own life, and become a better, more complete man, but it does not help with the "dating process." There are more books, but we will leave it with these two right now.

So we need to become "better men." Both of the books, while not helping with the "dating process", write that God needs to be the center of your life, and you need to fix yourself, but what do we do with that? We become a better person, suitable for a women of God, but unless you know how to act and what to do, women will probably stay away from you. They will not be interested in you, which will cause a lot of unnecessarily rejection and hurt.

It's OKAY though, I didn't know for the longest time what to do either! I will write more on this a little later.



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Online Relationship Help - Ask the Right Questions First

OK.

You have joined a couple of dating services and written a killer profile. You’ve uploaded a good picture and now you are going to chat with a contact. What now? How do you start separating those who have real potential and those who don’t have any potential at all? If you can master how to effectively screen applicants, this will be most important online relationship help that you've ever received.

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You need to find out something about who this strange woman really is and not just who she wants you to believe she is. It would be nice if women wore labels like “Gold Digger” or “Daddy’s girl”….but they don’t so it’s up to you to find these things out and you can’t just ask direct questions. You need to know what mistakes you can avoid making and how to impress this lady if you decide you want to do that.

After you are past the initial small talk, ask her, “What are the biggest mistakes guys make when dating online?” Listen carefully to her answers. She’s going to tell you a lot about herself and her views on men in general.

Next you should ask her, “What do you really think about online dating?” Now she will tell you if she has had any bad experiences dating o line and help you to avoid making the same things wrong.

Now for the all-important one…..”What caused the break up in your last relationship?” If she puts all the blame on the guy, you should probably move on to the next prospect. If she takes all the blame herself, you should probably do the same. If she says the breakup was by mutual consent or that the relationship just wasn’t right for either of them, you’ve heard the right answer. Move forward but always with caution.

Asking the right questions will give you insight and make you more confident when you meet the lady for the first time.


If you have found this article interesting and want more online relationship help visit David's website at www.christcentereddating.com

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